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One reader wants to know if her man's ogling is out of line. She writes explaining how she's talked to him about how this makes her feel uncomfortable and insecure, but he tells her to lighten up.
I think peoples idea of love varies so much that many peopledon't know what love is. Love is not wanting to hurt the other nomatter what. But does a man not love his wife if he cheats on her.Well, he is probably praying he will not get caught. sadly though awife can smell another woman even if it's emotional affair - notyet physical. How' that you ask? Because a woman is in tune to herman and so any thing her man does that's new or goes against hisusual ways of doing things or thinking and she is put on alertthat's how.
And I have to tell all young wives that your husbands aren't thepeople they have you believing they are. They are much more human,make mistakes, and look at other women when you aren't around (ifthey doing it with you around you already got trouble - get out nowwhile you still can - before the babies come)
I actually know two women who don't care if their husbandscheats. One simply hates sex so it takes all pressure off her tohave sex with her husband and the other woman plays the fieldherself because her husbands seldom home and when he is he is anA-hole (her words) but she loves him. And I believe her.
So this question is really an answer no one can answer. Itdepends on the people involved and is far more complicated than asimple yes or no answer.
Many men will probably say yes, while many women will say no. Ihave it all day, I am a woman, and yet I say yes. It doesn't meanthat it's OK to violate your spouse's trust in such a way, but lifeis complicated, and people are far from being perfect. Besides, notall affairs are the same. Some may be simply a physical business,while in other cases, the cheating spouse is emotionallyinvolved.
ANSWER No. People REALLY enjoying throwing the 'L' word around.What some people say is love, is NOT actually love!True love means more than just living with someone, saying'I love you', and sharing the same bed. To love someone means to befaithful, honest, respectful, kind, and thoughtful. Screwingsomeone on the side equates to selfishness, thoughtlessness, andidiocy. If someone cheats, it means that they do not respect theirspouse, nor the VOW that they made when they got married. Beingfaithful and honest is not related to religion, orconservative views, or any other crap that people drone on about.It is about LOVING someone, respecting them, caring about them, andnever EVER wanting to hurt them. NO ONE who feels real love towardstheir spouse would risk their emotionally well-being and sense oftrust for a bit of physical gratification! If you cheat, it meansyou don't truly love the one you're with. If someone cheats on you,then that person doesn't REALLY love you. It may be possible forsomeone to cheat, and still care about the one they're cheating on(to some small degree), but this is not enough. This is not love,and you deserve better!
Now, I'm sure there are cases where people are mutually freaky,and like to dip into things outside the marriage, but they do soWITH EACH OTHERS KNOWLEDGE AND CONSENT. Maybe these types of peopledo love each other at times. Whatever. The main thing is that theycare enough to be honest with each other, thereby keeping eachother from being emotionally hurt.
** This is very true: LOVE is OVER rated and RESPECT is UNDERrated when it comes to relationships.
ANSWER
Yes he can, it seems that western style religious rules are theonly measure of love. The fact is there are literally millions ofmarriage relationships where there is more then one wife and wherethere is love for more then one person at a time. These men lovetheir wives and take their responsibility towards them seriously.Granted there would be exactly the same problems withincompatibility, abuse, etc, etc that you would find in westernmarriages based on our religious rules. Remember our 'Westernstyled' marriage rules are based on a religion whose founders hadno problem at all with institutionalised infidelity or polygamy ifyou like.
Many men can both make love to a wife and simply have sex with aone-night stand. The one-night stand being only a physicalenjoyment. For a man they can easily be two totally unrelatedthings; sex need not equal love. Men never attempt to express thisto wives and girlfriends because for the majority women (but notall) sex simply for pleasure, without love, is a completely foreignand unthinkable concept.
A man can love his wife if he sleeps around but there is adifference between love and true love. The question you want to askyourself is, do you think he is really happy if he has to searchfor other ways to be loved, or feel good. There are many reasonswhy people cheat, could be things like, loneliness (doesn't feellike his spouse is giving him the attention he needs, how how itused to be so he's searching in other ways), curiosity (if you gottogether at a young age and he never got the chance to really growup and find himself he might be curious as to what other women arelike and see if he is missing out on something), low self- esteem(may not feel good enough for you or good enough for himself so heis in search of self-esteem by getting compliments from otherwomen), there are many reasons men do cheat. Many say that it isfor the physical reasons but there are times that it is theemotional reasons. He could also just want to have sex a lotbecause it feels great and he likes the thrill of sneaking aroundbehind your back. I once heard a guy say to his girlfriend justafter he gave her a promise ring and told her how much he loved herwalk over to a group of guys say, 'ha ha your cheating yourself ifyou don't cheat on em'. You can choose to do what you want withsomeone that does that but chances are if he's already doing thishe probably wont stop.. he may still love you but is unsure ofhimself, and figures since he's already ruined being faithfulthere's no reason to stop now. You may wont to think of the saying'once a cheater, always a cheater' You can do what you want withthis
Please don't change this answer, I'd like it to remain the way Iwrite it ..
He just has a different idea of love. It is not a healthyrelationship. I know a couple a lot like that. I met him before Imet her and he wasn't married as far as I was concerned. Then I mether. We are good friends. I have never told her all that I knowbecause she wouldn't want to know and it wouldn't change anythinganyway. They have a very odd relationship. They are very much inlove, but if he is away for work and the opportunity arises, I'msure he'd take it. And she never wants to know. Maybe the peopleyou know have a similar 'understanding.' But yes, it is possiblefor him to love her. He may just be a sex addict and can't helpit.
I would answer Yes to this question because maybe the man isbored with his current love life and wants something exciting,doesn't mean he doesn't love his wife. He just needs a outlet.
This question can be quite confusing. perhaps the man has gotbored of the same old sex, and has lost the 'spark' in their sexlife, but not as far as their feelings for each other. So the manmay think that if he goes out and has sex with someone else, thenhe will be satisfied and the strain on his marriage or in hisproper relationship will go away.
Depending on a person's upbringing a person may not really knowwhat love is. They may be doing what they were brought up to do.This may tend to confuse a person who was brought up in a lovinghousehold verses one who had many different men or women in thehousehold. Once true love, which is a godly one, the husband willnot have any more desires of sleeping or being with anyone else buther.
Sure he can as long as he finds in other women nothing butsexual pleasure.
The answer is yes, but is not in the sense of adult sexuallove....most men after time spent in long marriages tend to seetheir original partner as a mother figure..these men are alsofinancially committed to these women through shared businessinterests as well and the cost to them for the sake of a 'what if'affair to leave the financial cost is too great.
Having 4 wives! ..... Whoa! Most men can't handle one wife inthe Western culture and I don't care where in the world thishappens, there is nothing worse than 'the wrath of a womanscorned!' They don't tell you that those 4 wives battle amongstthemselves and the last wife gets the worst of it. By the way,modern culture is sneaking quietly into Islam and is changing!Also, when God mentioned 'man' he meant ALL HUMANS and didn't leavethe female sex out of it!
Yes, there are some men that can love their wives very much, butare a lover of ALL women. One movie I thoroughly enjoyed was 'Scentof a Woman' with Al Pacino. He was blind, had been married once,but he enjoyed ALL women and each were unique. Because of hisblindness he could smell and feel what a woman felt and thusrealized all women were unique in their own way. The way heexpressed himself was heart-warming and it made a woman feelspecial. However, once married neither partner should stray andit's simply cheating. Personally, I wouldn't put up with it!
ANSWER Well alrighty then. Here goes.... I guess it's all inpersonal belief. I've read the previous replies and they all seemto go in the same opposite direction. Please, no one be offended bythat last statement.. At any rate....I would have to say yes, hereally does love his wife. The best way to explain his actions is;a man has an animal instinct, he can't control his lust to be withmany partners. Think about it like this; a woman can only bepregnant once in a 9 month period, where as, a man has the abilityto get hundreds of women pregnant in that time. The natural designof life, is to reproduce... This is just the path he has chosen...It's a shame that some men can't control themselves enough to befaithful to their special lady. And one more thing it has beenproven that a man can engage in sex with no emotions attached,unlike a woman. Even if the woman thinks that she has noattachment, there are parts of her brain that she can'tcontrol..... All things considered, It brings me to a close...Remember, you must never seek the perfect person, instead seek tofind an imperfect person, perfect. His ways will never change, youmust accept them or move on.
Adding something to this, he can. It's a thing that happened inmy family. One of my uncles told me he slept with other womenbefore but he still loved my aunt.....
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